My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
