she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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