i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
