My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
