I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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