I hate your face
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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