Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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