Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i drank out of a bidet.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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