I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
