i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
