God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
