I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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