The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
