We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
