oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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