no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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