I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
