im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
