one two three fourrrrnication!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
