just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
