Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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