as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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