Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
