I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The air taste purple.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
