You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
