I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
