He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
