considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
