i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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