Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
