You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
