am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
