he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
