Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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