I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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