So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
