ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
