Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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