im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
