Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
