ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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