1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
