So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
