Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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