so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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