Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
