Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
