Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
