just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
