there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
