You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
