There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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